I just had to put my dog to sleep a couple weeks ago. Her name's Shadow and she was the best little dog in the entire world. Shaddybaddy is just a nickname; what can I say it rhymed. She's had diabetes for a couple of years now, had a heart problem (irregular heart beat), and was blind and almost completely deaf, but she still lived to 13. Her organs finally just gave out and she refused to eat because she couldn't keep anything down. My parents and I couldn't keep her alive like that just for our sake. I like to think she's in doggie heaven chasing rabbits and where there's no diabetes and she can see and hear everything.

love and miss you pretty girl<3

sincerely,
sarah

I'm going to try to keep submitting stuff on here, but my mind is in so many other places right now. I don't know what to do.

My entire life is falling apart apart and I can't pick up the pieces fast enough.

I need something, anything. Friends? I have a few, but I don't talk to many people because I don't want ot get hurt (or find out they don't care). I can't keep living like this - I can't function like this - I can't even call this functioning.
And the worst part?
No one understands.
I guess all I can do is hope for the best...



and I'm stuck here waiting for a passing feeling
in the city I built up and blew to hell
I'm stuck here waiting for a passing feeling
still I send all the time
my request for relief
down a dead power line
though I'm beyond belief
and the help I require
just to exist at all
took a long time to stand
took an hour to fall

I haven't been on here in forever...my parents didn't really like it so I stopped submitting stuff for awhile. Anyways, all else is well. The only purpose of this entry is to say I'm not dead so I'm done now.

<|>sarah<|>

well . . . school's out. one of my closest friends is gone, someone i like talking to and has always been there, and he doesn't seem to care. i've asked him to call, but he hasn't. i guess i should take a hint, but i still have some hope left in me that he will. i'd love to call him, but i always have this thought in the back of my mind that he just wants me to go away, get out of his life.

maybe this is why i expect the worst from people, because they just let you down anyways.

it's not like it takes much to make me smile. if you told me i had pretty eyes, or that something i drew or wrote was good, i might just make my day.

but anyways, i dont think i'll be seeing much of him anymore fuck it's my fault too, i should have just dealt with everything on my own.

i miss him, he was always so nice. i wish he'd call . . . that would just make me smile. i just hope he doesn't forget about me : (




sincerely,
sarah

well . . .

i don't really want to write a depressing journal entry, but something is bothering me so much.

there's someone i'm probably not going to see for a year and a half and i hate it.
i hate that it's my fault.
i hate how much i'll miss him.
and i hate that i don't know how to tell him that.

i want to say all these things to him, but i just don't know how. i want to know if he'd be sad, if he'd miss me too, but i'm scared that he won't at all.

things are finally normal, and i feel like i'm closer to him now [although i'm scared he doesn't feel the same] and i just don't want it all to go away. i wish i could go back and make it so that i had never said anything . . . because it kills me that i did.

i'm sorry for everything i've done.
every mistake.
i'm going to miss him so much and
i wish i could tell him.


sincerely,
sarah




so, so you think you can tell heaven from hell,
blue skies from pain.
can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
a smile from a veil?
do you think you can tell?
and did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
hot ashes for trees?
hot air for a cool breeze?
cold comfort for change?
and did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
how i wish, how i wish you were here.
we're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
running over the same old ground.
what have we found? the same old fears.
wish you were here.